I choose you!

I am not usually one for the pensive deep posts. My method is simple - use the blog to remind me to take more pictures of my kids and our family and then write some family history type summary of the pictures and click post. Not the funniest, not the deepest or best read, but will help us remember as a family, share it with friends/family, and then preserve things for posterity.

However, today I have somethings to say that has nothing to do with some cute pictures of my kids (though there are always more of those to come!). It has to do with a realization that I want to capture and share with my children.

As most of you know, I started teaching aerobics when I moved to Oregon, using a part of my Exercise Science degree I haven't since college. How much better can it get to be paid to work out right? I have really enjoyed it, though it has been an on and off struggle to make sure it stays in the background of my life, not the foreground where it could interfere with our family life. Not that I have ever taught more than 8 or 9 hours a week, which is far below part time, but the amount of energy that it took mentally to prepare for classes and shuttle the kids to and from got to be too much. I felt like that was all I did. So, I cut back on some classes (and gave myself a good pat on the back for making the hard but right choice) and have only been teaching 4 paid hours a week for the last few months.

Funny how sometimes I guess Heavenly Father really wants you to be committed in your decisions, as the same temptation came back recently, with a different face. This time it was to teach more Zumba classes, which is my FAVORITE type of class to teach because it actually is more than a workout - it also honestly makes me happy. I feel like it pulls together parts of me I haven't used in a long time - specifically my love for dance. I struggled with saying no because of how it uplifts me. However, to say yes, I would have had to do some real finageling with the kids - to avoid putting them in the kidcare at the YMCA (which they don't like much) and then to get Nathan to school on time. I had some sweet friends who offered to help me make it work, so I almost said yes.

But, last night as I finished my prayers it hit me - the clarity I needed to be able to say no to further opportunities that would affect my family life. I knew that saying yes would add another morning of craziness - the stress of trying to get the kids where they needed to be and then to prepare for my class, not to mention my body being tired from overexercising.

Now is not the time and season. In ten years I will probably be done having kids and all my kids will be in school from 8-2 and I will have plenty of time to dance my little heart out or teach whatever. But, right now my calling is to be a mom. And all the things I have heard about how "you will miss these years" and "don't wish away your children's childhood" sunk a little deeper into my heart.

I want my kids to know that their mom didn't be a stay at home almost exclusively because "what else would she be doing?" (which is what I think I grew up thinking!). I CHOOSE to be home with you. I want to be a part of your day, every day, all day. I want to be your main influence, especially for the first pre-school years. I want to be that point of security, that constant. And I want you to know that YOU are my priorities. I don't want you to remember mommy always doing something else. That when you are home, I am with you, interested in you and caring about how you are doing. I want you to think that I have nothing better to do - because really, I don't. I teach and personal train because I want to improve people's lives, to make a difference. But, it doesn't get more impacting than to spend my days with these impressionable little spirits.

So, my sweet little boys - even on the bad, crazy pull-my-hair-out days - I choose to be with you!